


you've been locked in here forever and you just can't say goodbye

by avapacifica



Series: October Writing Challenge 2020 [14]
Category: Dead by Daylight (Video Game), Halloween Movies - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Body Dysphoria, Coming Out, Crying, Dysphoria, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gender Dysphoria, Hair, Haircuts, Happy Ending, Healthy Relationships, M/M, Muteness, Not Beta Read, Outing, Self-Esteem Issues, Stress Relief, Trans, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Transgender, Transgender Jake Park, Worry, i really do not want to be editing these days huh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:33:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27020548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avapacifica/pseuds/avapacifica
Summary: for a realm filled with killers, jake instead finds his issue in self image and dysphoria. like always, michael is willing to do whatever he needs.
Relationships: Michael Myers/Jake Park
Series: October Writing Challenge 2020 [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1948126
Comments: 7
Kudos: 59





	you've been locked in here forever and you just can't say goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> Day 14: Paranoia  
> title is from a Cigarettes After Sex song, because it's been on repeat while i've been writing this

Ever since his capture, Jake had wondered how long he’d be trapped here. When he realized he likely wouldn’t get an answer, he started to think about whether he’d age. He knows that how he looks has changed in the time he’s been here. Quick glances in the occasional mirror assure him of that. What he’s unsure of however, is if the lines on his face formed from time or stress. 

His body also changes in ways that show the process of time. His fingernails grow, along with his hair. Without hormones and much to his dismay, menstruation starts again. That’s able to be hidden though, even if it’s hard to do so. His hair is another situation. 

Jake knows it doesn’t necessarily out him for his hair to get so long, but it doesn’t really make him feel good about himself either. His biggest worry is that someone he’s not out to will notice. He’s not ashamed, but he’s not ready for that experience yet. Every inch of hair equates to femininity that he’s trying so hard to escape.

Some of his friends know, mainly just the first survivors that he met. Michael does not. Out of fear that he’d assume and ask about it, Jake feels cornered. Backed into a nonexistent corner, he feels he needs to tell him. Michael doesn’t care, Jake being trans doesn’t affect anything at all. That’s why he doesn’t understand when he cries in his arms after. He holds him anyways, because even if he can’t recognize what the problem is, that seems to be what Jake needs.

Michael is being so understanding, but it’s not enough. Jake wasn’t ready, which is the simple truth. He almost hopes that Michael was upset so he in turn had a valid reason for the sickness in his stomach. He probably hadn’t even noticed, which makes Jake regret telling him even more. 

At one point Michael stops to hold his face. Looking intently at his features, it’s not the ones he was born with that are masculine. His face’s characteristics, his personality shining through the moods he shows, those are what make him a man. Jake claims that his face has regressed femininely since he’s come here, but Michael has to disagree. He thinks the opposite in fact. It’s not that hardening he’s gone through is inherently manly, just that Jake has come into himself.

Jake shakes himself out of it soon after Michael starts though, and he doesn’t try again. His face turns back into the killer’s shoulder, hiding it from his site. Now that Michael knows, he fears he’ll only ever see him as the gender he’s not. It’s false, but his mind is telling him otherwise. 

Michael desperately wishes there was something he could do to help. He runs his hands through Jake’s thick black hair. It’s down an inch or two past his shoulders, and it’s nowhere near as greasy as the rest of the people trapped by the Entity. How could such a thing be causing him so much pain?

Michael grabs a strand, studying it. There’s an easy fix, Jake should understand. When he pulls a hand away, some of it even comes off. Michael reaches for his knife. At the sound of it unsheathing, Jake backs away, wondering what could be going on. He’s not suspicious of Michael in particular, just the world itself. Seeing that it’s only his killer though, he relaxes slightly, and sits back against him. There’s some hesitance though, he doesn’t understand what he would need a knife for. Michael again takes a bit of his hair, shorter this time, and pulls on it.

“Hey, what are you doing?!” Jake asks, reaching back to stop him. Michael swats his hand away though, and replaces the pressure that was lost when he put up a fight. He brings the knife behind the length, and cuts through. The bit he was holding, now significantly shorter, settles on Jake’s head. Michael dangles the pieces now detached from his head in front of his face, making it known what he was doing. 

“Oh.” Jake realizes, it now dawning on him. “Oh.” He smiles the second time he says it. He turns to face Michael, placing a quick kiss on his masked cheek. He’s fast though, sitting back down in his previous position, hands in his lap, waiting for the haircut to continue. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t shaking a little. Hopefully it won’t mess up Michael too much.

Jake could tell him to wait until they could find a pair of scissors. He’s sure they wouldn’t be hard to come across, at least on Michael’s end, but Jake doesn’t really want to wait. Why not have this happen now?

Michael repeats the motions over and over again. It’s not exactly even, it’s going to end up looking very patchy. He’s no hairdresser, but he’ll do the best he’s able. Sometimes the back of his knife presses against Jake’s neck and he’s reminded just who's doing this for him, that Michael truly cares and listens to him when it matters. 

After the first strand Michael had showed him, Jake hasn’t seen any of the pieces since. Michael only tosses them aside once he’s done cutting them off. Jake is content, glad to have them gone. Out of his sight is the only place they truly belong.

He doesn’t give a signal when he’s done with the deed, instead just putting his knife back and letting Jake assume the rest. His hands trail up his neck, searching for what was there moments ago. He’s reminded of being in a dark house, and taking a step on the stairs that doesn’t exist. He keeps expecting to hit something, but there’s nothing there until right next to his skull.

It’s so short. It’s not the length it was when he came here, instead more similar to how it was when he met Michael. Jake is full of glee, as much as he was when he was first able to cut his hair this short in the real world. 

There’s no mirror, or any reflective surface for that matter, nearby. It’s okay though, Jake is happy to just sit here with his hands in it. Michael runs his fingers through his hair again, this time admiring his work. 

“Thank you.” Jake whispers in front of him. Michael is amazed at how helping him with something as trivial as hair has overjoyed him in such a way. If this is all he has to do to cheer him up, he’ll be happy to help at any point in the future. So insignificant to him, yet it makes Jake's experience all the better. 

**Author's Note:**

> i've been dealing with some gender stuff lately, if it wasn't apparent. not on this level, but this was therapeutic to write.  
> anyways, i hope you enjoyed! kudos and comments are always appreciated, feedback makes my day!


End file.
